Hi Boys,

Thought I'd drop you a few lines,  to let you know what your old 'grandmudder' has been up to. Not a whole lot going on here at the Homeplace...dog and I sitting around after supper on a quiet Sunday evening. It has been a bit of a bummer weekend, not that you guys ever have those, ha-ha.

I began yesterday like any other Saturday morning, so I thought, with no other plans but to sleep late and just putsy around the house. I had rented 3 movies the night before and just intended to veg out, watch movies, and eat junk food.
The phone rang at 7:20 am. It was a friend who was about to go to surgery, and needed prayer. I had fallen asleep in front of TV watching the first movie, and was a little disoriented, but God's work comes first, so I had to snap to and pray. Thank God for the Holy Spirit, who helps us jump into His realm when the need arises!
After we hung up, I realized my head was stuffed up and I couldn't breathe, so I took a pill, got some hot tea and went back to bed. I was thinking about my friend, although I knew she would be all right... she was in God's hands. I remember thinking too, "Thanks, Charlotte, for sharing your cold with me. I just HAD to teach my kids to SHARE!!  Ha ha.
After watching the movies, I dressed, took them back to the video store, went over to the Shop 'n Save to get a loaf of bread, and returned home. I was still feeling tired, (you know how a cold can drain you) so I went back to bed. When I got up, I realized my phone wasn't working again. I had already reported it to the phone company a few days earlier, but it had cleared up... now the loud hum was in the line again and I had to shout so people could hear me, and I could barely hear them.
I decided to check the outside phone box. I had to gather up a stepstool to reach it, a screwdriver to open the box, a phone to test the line and my glasses. Well, after all that, I discovered that the line to the house was clear! That meant the problem was inside on  my house line. I ran (dragged, actually) back into the house, unplugged and checked each phone (I have SIX), and still couldn't find the problem. I then examined all the outside lines, although it was a drizzly day and I was still in my robe. As I followed the lines around the house, it didn't take me long to find the problem.
That pesky groundhog, who has made my summer a living hell, had again cut a new entrance under my house, only this time he had chewed my phone line in the process! Now this means WAR! Oh, it's not that I haven't BEEN on the warpath... I've tried poisoning him, shooting him, and even hitting him with the car! And when all else failed, I even tried PRAYER!
I had found information about groundhogs on the net, and learned that they seldom live around humans! I knew it! This is no ordinary critter... IT IS A DEMON HOG! AARRGGHH! This calls for Holy water, anointing oil, and an EXORCIST! (Where is a PRIEST when ya need one?!)
But seriously, kids.....
While devising a new plan of attack, I took a long-handled mallet and drove a large stone under the house to fill in his hole and secured it the best I could, then rewrapped the wire. I got my dial-tone back, but the phone won't ring into the house, so I'm missing calls. Hope the phone company can do something, but they'll just say it is on me to get it fixed, since the line TO the house is fine. GRRR!
After putting everything away, I trudged back to my easy chair. My head was getting stuffy again. I took another pill, and comforted myself with some ice cream and potato chips for supper. I watched a little TV, gave the dog her supper, closed down the house and called it a night.
It was hard to get to sleep, until I started counting rows of groundhogs... lying on their backs, stiff as a board, and holding bouquets of white lilies in their dead little paws!!!

July 20, 2002